i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
