Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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