12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
