that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
this hospital has no fireball
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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