thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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