doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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