K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
