No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
