Im at strip club and am horny
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
