Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Small penises have feelings too.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
