Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
