But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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