The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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