hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
