i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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