In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
