I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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