what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
try to milk me bitch
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