I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
