Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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