Quick, to the slutcave!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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