I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
