he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize