She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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