He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
