Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
