My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
