There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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