just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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