and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
