Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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