Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
