She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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