You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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