I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
