Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
