If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize