I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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