Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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