Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize