They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
