Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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