I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
