id be glad to
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
