If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
