I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize