420 ftw
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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