my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
