He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
