Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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