Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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