Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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