I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
