Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
