Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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