I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
