GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
