I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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