I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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