Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
