Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
