Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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