Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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