Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
