everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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