Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize