grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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