If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
