I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
