OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
