Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
