Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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