Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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