My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
