i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
try to milk me bitch
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